My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
