come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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