that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
