it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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