one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
