someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
