how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
