The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
