someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
