Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
