my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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