Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
