I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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