id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
