Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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