I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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