Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
