ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
