Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
