She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
