Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
3 2 1 whiskey
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
