i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Boobs speak an international language.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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