When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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