did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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