you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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