I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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