I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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