he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
