Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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