Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
