girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize