so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
zippers are such a cool invention
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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