I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
