Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
