I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize