she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
