I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
