I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
