Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
