im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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