i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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