If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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