all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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