every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
