Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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