i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
