We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
