Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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