I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
