I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
