i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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