I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
