yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
