that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
