im six kinds of drunk right now
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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