I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
