Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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