Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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