his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
