I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
