and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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