at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
