He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
