if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
