come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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