Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
