Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
